


when the party's over

by Odestaholyship



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Angst, F/M, angsty boy trope, incantava - Freeform, skamit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 23:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20882363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odestaholyship/pseuds/Odestaholyship
Summary: Edoardo fears he's not good for Eleonora, so he tries pushing her away. They always seem to end up right where they left off, though.





	when the party's over

“Eleonora, don’t you know I’m no good for you?” Edoardo’s voice was piercing in the twilight, even if the words he was saying were slurred by the alcohol in his system. The boy took a drag from his cigarette, the end lighting up red in the dark.

Eleonora took in the words, but didn’t answer - for some reason it felt easier to stay quiet, to not further the conversation that would only end in either her or Edoardo being hurt. But it was not the hurt she was afraid of, no; it was the fact that even though they could be hurting, they could be fighting, but they both knew that they’d fall back into the same cycle yet again. The same vicious cycle that always seemed to end in conversation like this, fueled by alcohol and heartbreak. 

The cycle would start again tomorrow, once they - or Edoardo - would be sober. They’d circle each other, push each other farther until they were barely in each other’s sights, nearly free. 

And then they’d crash. Again.

“You always say that,” Eleonora whispered, forcing herself to look at Edoardo. He looked almost cold, yet even in the night Eleonora could see that his eyes were bloodshot with either alcohol or something else that Eleonora did not want to know.

Edoardo huffed. “And you never believe me.”

“I _always_ believe you! Everytime you push me away, every single time you treat me like shit. And I try to fight my way out. I try like hell to get away from you!” Eleonora’s voice rose into a guttural scream, the words ripping their way out from her chest. 

Then, in a calmer tone, she whispered: “My question is, why the hell won’t you let me?” 

The emotion in Eleonora’s words hit Edoardo like a truck, and he felt himself take a literal step back. He had never seen her like this, eyes red with tears she held back by sheer force, her skin blotchy with anger, her fists clenched. Edoardo took in the sight of her until it became too much to bear, and then he reached for a cigarette, lighting it up with shaky hands.

“Edoardo,” Eleonora pleaded, her voice menacing with a withheld sob. “Answer me.” 

“I don’t know,” Edoardo answered, truthfully, as he blew out the toxic smoke, enjoying the burn in his throat. “I hate myself for doing this to you. I know I’d only be bad for you, and that’s why I try to get my distance.”

“But?”

“But as soon as I get that distance, it’s too much to bear,” Edoardo finished and closed his eyes, feeling shameful as he tried to contain the burn behind his eyes.

“Edoardo, you don’t have to keep your distance,” Eleonora answered, hugging herself in the cool night air. “Not if you don’t want to.”

Edoardo took an extended drag from his cigarette, avoiding Eleonora’s gaze as he tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t be the exact thing he wanted to say: _Okay. I love you. _

No, those words were not the ones he would let slip from his lips. Not now, perhaps not ever - not because they weren’t truthful but because Edoardo knew that once he’d say them, he’d doom Eleonora. Edoardo loved Eleonora. And she loved him, he knew that much. No girl in their right mind would bear Edoardo’s behaviour unless they were in love - that much he also knew. 

But Eleonora didn’t know he loved her, and if she were lucky, she’d never find out.

“I’ll only hurt you if you let me,” Edoardo said sharply as he put out his cigarette. “So don’t let me.”

**Author's Note:**

> feedback appreciated xx should this be continued?


End file.
